The Art of being Unbothered

When you reach level 45 of life, something shifts.

What once felt like drama and nerves becomes… unbothered. The things that used to feel massive suddenly shrink. The situations that never made sense hit you years later with a quiet, “Ohhh. That’s why.”

In your teens, you stress about what you’re wearing, who’s looking at you, the whispers in the hallway, and whether your crush knows you exist. In your twenties, you enter adulthood and realize bills are not theoretical. You balance work and play, maybe build a family if that’s your path, and suddenly you’re worrying about cooking, cleaning, raising good humans, and what everyone thinks about how your household looks from the outside.

In your thirties, life becomes a rhythm: up, work, home, cook, homework, laundry, sleep. You forget the bank run. There’s always a project due tomorrow that no one mentioned. Somehow you have multiple kids in multiple schools with multiple activities all scheduled during your “free time.”

And then your forties arrive.

The kids are mostly grown. You’re established. You can breathe again. And you remember you were a whole human before these little humans took over your existence. You aren’t just “so-and-so’s mom.” So-and-so is about to move out. The house gets quiet, and that quiet teaches you what matters and what absolutely does not.

Here are a few things I am officially unbothered by. Consider this your permission slip.

Dessert Before Dinner

You were taught your whole life to eat dinner before dessert. But who made that rule? Why can’t you have the ice cream sandwich first? Who exactly is stopping you?

Life is short. Eat the dessert.

The “Proper” Dinner Plate

Who decided dinner had to be meat, a vegetable, and a side dish? Who said it needed to take hours to cook, minutes to eat, and half the family doesn’t even like it?

I enjoy what some call “girl dinner.” Salami, cheese, crackers, cream cheese, maybe fruit if I’m feeling responsible. You want to eat it in pajamas, in bed? Do it. Unbothered.

The Phone

These micro-computers we carry around are not ankle monitors.

I used to feel anxious if I didn’t answer immediately. A call would come in during family time and I’d stop everything. A text would ding at dinner and I’d grab my phone like it required a code to defuse.

Not anymore.

Let it ring. That’s what voicemail is for. Let the text wait. If it’s truly urgent, they’ll call back-to-back. Life is too precious to let everyone else’s urgency override your peace.

Redefining “Family”

Growing up, “family” meant who you were born into. Now, I call those relatives.

Family, to me, are the people I can call at 3am. The ones I don’t have to censor myself around. The ones who show up in the good, the bad, and the really bad.

Sometimes that includes relatives. Often it doesn’t. And I am unbothered by whispers that I’m “difficult.” Am I difficult or are you just upset you can’t treat me poorly anymore?

Being “Too Much”

You are only “too much” for someone who cannot handle the fullness of who you are. That is not your problem. You get to be ambitious, direct, soft, loud, layered, evolving… all of it.

Unbothered.

Other People’s Expectations of My Timeline

This one took a while.

There’s a strange pressure to do everything by a certain age… achieve more, look younger, stay smaller, move faster, prove something.

At 45, I am no longer racing an invisible clock.

I am not behind. I am not late. I am exactly where I am supposed to be.

And I am unbothered by anyone else’s timeline for my life.

Here’s the truth: none of us are getting a permanent residency here. We don’t take the house, the title, or the bank account with us. What remains is how we treated people and how we felt about the life we lived.

So protect your peace. Eat the dessert. Let the phone ring. Choose your people wisely. Stop shrinking.

Level 45 unlocked.

Unbothered.

XO – Lish