You don’t become a leader the moment someone hands you a title. That’s just a label. Real leadership? It shows up in how you show up, especially when it’s hard, unseen, or thankless.
When I think back to what shaped my view of leadership, it wasn’t a single moment, it was a lifetime of watching. I’ve had bosses who handed down tasks they couldn’t or wouldn’t do themselves. People in leadership roles who barked orders without knowing what the job actually required. That kind of “leadership” isn’t leadership at all… it’s authority without humility.
But then I met someone who changed everything.
Years ago, while living in Hawai’i, I worked for an airline company that sold Circle Island Tours to the tourists at the time (they don’t anymore). My manager refused to be called “boss”, he said he was no better than me and we were in this together. He believed if we were going to sell something, we had to experience it first. So he made me get on that little plane and do the tour myself. I begged not to go, I am terrified to fly! That moment stuck with me. He didn’t lead with ego. He led with example and I’ve carried that with me ever since.
Now, as a CEO, I still live by the principle that I will never ask someone to do something I wouldn’t do myself. I don’t believe leadership is about barking from a pedestal, it’s about serving from the ground up. Whether it’s helping at the front desk, taking payments, or answering the phones when we’re short-staffed, my team knows: I’m in it with them. Just like I was before I had this title.
Because a title doesn’t make you more important it makes you more accountable.
I’ve always said that leadership isn’t much different than parenting. My kids know I won’t ask them to do something I’m not capable of doing myself and the same applies at work. When you’re in a leadership position, you don’t get to hide behind a door. You need to be visible, dependable, and willing to jump in when things get messy.
Most people misunderstand that. They think a leadership title affords them the right to stand taller than others to delegate, direct, and distance themselves. But a true leader doesn’t climb a pedestal. A true leader kneels down and builds others up. Some people chase the title for the recognition without truly understanding the responsibility. The stress. The weight of carrying what’s best for the whole, not just for themselves.
I’ve seen leadership abused, and I’ll be honest it makes my blood boil. I’ve wanted to scream, to shake people into awareness, to call out behavior that doesn’t deserve the role it holds. But the truth is, we’re all human. We’re all imperfect. And the best way I’ve learned to respond to bad leadership… is to be a better one. To write things like this. To lead with grace, not ego. To hope the example can speak louder than the frustration.
Some days, being a good leader means making the tough calls. As a CEO, it’s part of my job to enforce the policies approved by our Board of Directors. That means I often have to be the “messenger” the one who protects the association from financial or legal risk, even when it makes me unpopular. I’ve had to say no when it would’ve been easier to say yes. I’ve had to stand firm in decisions that made me look heartless to those who didn’t understand the full picture. But leadership isn’t about being liked… it’s about doing what’s right.
Still, I try to lead with understanding wherever I can. Yes, we have policies, like requiring a class to be completed within six months of membership but I also know that life happens. When I can extend grace without harming the organization, I do. I’ll say, “I get it and I’ll give you a little more time. But if you miss the next available class, I wont have a choice but to put your name before the Board.” That balance allows me to be firm, but still human. Compassionate, but still consistent.
That, to me, is real leadership.
And when the weight gets heavy because it does, I stay grounded by revisiting the messages I’ve received from people who’ve thanked me for simply being me. They weren’t prompted. They weren’t asked. They were just reminders from people who saw the heart behind the role. And when the critical voices especially the one in my own head start to rise, I go back to those. I take a breath. I leave my office, compliment someone, and remind myself that maybe that smile I just gave was the only good thing they experienced that day.
To those stepping into leadership for the first time, let me say this:
Take your time. Rome wasn’t built in a day, and neither is a confident leader. If you were not capable of doing this job, God wouldn’t have led you to it. People wouldn’t have fought for you to get it. You’re not going to please everyone so stop trying. Lead with integrity, empathy, and strength. And when it feels lonely at the top (because it will), remember you’re not alone. You just need the right mentors. The right mindset. The right reason why.
And speaking of “why” mine is simple.
My definition of success isn’t wrapped in a job title or what I do to pay the bills. It’s not the car I drive or the house I live in. It’s whether I can look in the mirror and say: “I led with integrity today. I gave my best with what God gave me.” It’s the roof over my children’s heads. The laughter that fills our home. The memories we make that live longer than any role or recognition. It’s the good humans I’ve raised and the love that anchors everything we are.
Because in the end, leadership is an opportunity to leave this world better than you found it.
Leadership is an opportunity to leave people better than you found them.
And the lasting impression you leave with others that’s what truly matters.
Leadership isn’t a title.
It’s a responsibility.